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Marilyn, a 57-year-old single colleague of mine, recently reconnected with someone she had worked with many years ago. "No," Marilyn said with a laugh, "it's better than that: I'm in like with him — and that's exactly where I want to be." She further confided that they planned to make their reunions "a regular thing — if four times a year can be called 'regular.' But I think that's about all I really want." Marilyn's casual approach to maintaining a friendship with benefits typifies the mindset of older folks who have reconciled themselves to having "great fun" even if it's "just one of those things." And episodic pleasure-seeking may be more common than you think: In The Normal Bar, a book I wrote last year with Chrisanna Northrup and James Witte, we reported that 61 percent of female survey respondents who had partners fantasized about someone they had met.… continue reading »
You place the male rat with the female rat and they’ll copulate several times, but then they’ll get sort of bored. Yeah, I mean, the basic rule is that anything novel or new… So what kind of signals can they see in their use or, you know, quantification in terms of like how much are they using it would tell them that maybe there's a problem coming up now? [Gary Wilson]: Now, in terms of effects, I'm seeing that many of the younger guys who started out using Internet porn when they were 10, 11, 12, 13, they may not be becoming addicted, but they're rewiring their brain to pixels, to porn, and they're having negative effects like their sexual pace may be veering into weird places where they may not be able to get excited by real girls or boys as much as they used to. So they then use sexual desire or strong erection as their measurement of whether they're getting back to normal, and a lot of them take many, many months to get back to normal. [Gary Wilson]: But if you quit for 60 days or 90 days and see a lot of improvement in maybe other areas of your life, maybe you have more confidence, maybe you're more outgoing, maybe you have more energy, maybe you have more motivation, then you can judge that perhaps using porn has affected you negatively and you'll have to decide what to do about that. You know, how many guys are actually going to say that they are using it? [Gary Wilson]: But yeah, they're seeing a big upswing in use. Is it normal for a 12- or 13-year-old to sit and have 10 windows open, 10 tabs open, and click from three-minute video to three-minute video of the hardest core porn possible? When you're looking at a single picture of a naked lady, that's great. [Gary Wilson]: So I think it's really a different animal. So I'm getting a sense that there are kind of different problems depending on where you came into porn, right?… continue reading »